Therapy works

Things with Mr. FWB got more than a little complicated.  I started seeing signs of manipulative tendencies I didn’t like.  Rather than doing what I would have done in the past and excusing them multiple times, I forgave the first time because I played a role in that mess.  The second time when he freaked out over something every other guy I know would have laughed off I put the brakes on hard and downgraded him to just friends.  Period.  This would not have happened without the lessons that came from therapy following my life with BPD ex.  I don’t have room to keep giving chances.  I understand where his weirdnesses come from, but as much as I adore this guy, it’s not worth it to be in a constant state of up and down that I can’t predict.  So as cool as he is, he’s been strictly friend-zoned.  I don’t have time or energy to keep trying to make it work with him.  So yes, therapy works.  If you have a good therapist, things start to make sense and you really can change your thought process.  That said, I want a new distraction to play with for the time being.

It’s good for me

Mr. FWB and I are traveling a complicated road.  One day it’s just friends, other days it’s friends with benefits, sometimes we’re dating and sometimes he’s campaigning to be the boyfriend.  The basis for all this is a strong friendship that totally amuses me.  Anyone I can talk to for 2-3 hours at a time about everything from silly stuff to serious business has won half the battle. Hanging out with Mr. FWB has caused me to reflect a lot on the ex.  Aside from the abusive craziness, I should have seen earlier on that we had nothing in common intellectually.  For the most part, I blamed it on socioeconomic stuff, but Mr. FWB is from a lower middle class background and isn’t crazy educated, but he’s a nerd.  He’s a smart guy.  He’s the first person I’ve “dated” in YEARS who can listen to me talk about work and ask real questions about what I do.  We have real conversations.  It’s crazy.   I forgot what it’s like.  Anyway, back to the ex…I should have known the first time that she couldn’t follow the idea behind “Man v. Food” (Yes, the show with the guy who does all those eating challenges.) that we weren’t a match.  Even if she had never turned crazy, we wouldn’t have lasted because I was bored to tears with her.  I mean of course, the abuse was a huge part of why I shut down, but aside from that I was bored.  There was nothing intellectually stimulating about her.  There was nothing challenging or exciting about her.  There was nothing about her that made me want to be a better person.  I did all those things for her, but it definitely was not reciprocated. 

I have no idea where this thing with Mr. FWB is going.  I’m just sort of going with the flow.  Honestly, I don’t think either of us really knows what we want and that’s kind of ok for now.  For now, it’s just good for me to have someone who challenges me and pushes me to do better on all fronts.