I usually don’t really do the resolution thing, but I have one this year. My resolution for this year is to become genuinely ok with the idea of being permanently single and without kids as a permanent state and if I can’t do that, make up my mind to make a serious move that might change my situation…Like moving to a state that would be a more productive place to date (Anywhere north of the Mason-Dixon). I’m really ok with the kids part to be honest. It’s a nice idea, but I really don’t want kids unless I’m married and I really don’t want to have to give birth after about age 32 or 33. I turn 32 in exactly 3.5 months. So short of a serious oops there are no babies in my future. The closer I get to 32 (the age my mom had me) the more ok I am with not having kids…It’s the marriage part that bothers me. I don’t think it would if I didn’t live in the South where old maid status starts at like 25. At home (NY/NJ) although I have a lot of married friends, I also have a lot of friends who are single or coupled up but with no intentions of getting married or having kids. Makes life easier. Not this constant cycle of having to make new friends every 2-5 years as their lives evolve and your doesn’t. So, that said. I’ve been whining about this for awhile now and I’m tired of hearing it from me so this is the year I’m facing it and dealing with it once and for all.
01
Jan
12
It took me a long time to finally say, “I don’t want to have kids.” (I know, I have four, but that’s “different.”) I still get crap from family about “When are you and James going to have one of your own?” – and that’s really hard to not respond with a “I have four of my own, eff you very much.”
But to make the decision that I will never give physical birth to a child. I will not ever feel a child grow inside of me – that was a very hard decision. Even now, I have an occasional day where I question whether or not it was the “right choice.” I see friends (my age and even older) still having kids and I go, “We *could* still have one.”
But, I know in my heart, we’ve made the right decision for us. If we ever decide to open our hearts to raising another child, there are many, many kids (and not just babies) who need loving, supportive, well structured homes – and we would go that route. And, if we’re making predictions on Family Precedence – PHB genes should bring us at least one grandchild that we will raise as our own.
I go back and forth about whether or not I want kids. It always depends on who I am with. I don’t want to be a single parent, which is the reason I don’t harp on having kids too much, especially now that I’m single. I’m 33. I can totally dig what you’re going through.