Similar to the way bodies and fitness can change dating dynamics, it can change friendship dynamics too. I’m steadily getting the impression that one of my very close friends is not the happiest with my weight loss. We were away from each other due to some issues with my ex but we recently reunited. I don’t think she was expecting me to be quite as small as I am. I think part of our friendship dynamic has always been that I was the fat friend. She met me at my biggest so never experienced what it was like before when I was small. She’s not a small girl, but I always wore a bigger size. That balance has been thrown off now. I’m definitely smaller and my clothing options are expanding. I get attention for my transformation that I wasn’t getting before. People ask me about fitness and health. I don’t think she’s comfortable with things the way they are now. Whenever fitness or my body comes up she sort of shuts down, even if I’m not the one who brought it up.
In this case, I think she’s frustrated with herself more than she is with me. I think there’s a certain amount of “Why can’t I do that?” She actually brought it up over dinner last night in an indirect way when a third party asked me about having a coach and dieting and things of that nature. First she said, “I could never live like that” and then under her breath she said, “I probably should, but I can’t.” She’s never been particularly comfortable with her body anyway and I think part of what made her feel better (even if it was a conscious thing) was that she had me who was bigger than her and even less comfortable with their body. She doesn’t have that anymore and she’s slowly getting to the point where she’s the biggest of our group of friends.
I don’t want to lose my friend, but the kind of transformation I”m trying to make is one people notice and ask about even if you don’t want the attention. What she fails to realize is that I get just as much negativity as I do positivity. Lots of people are disgusted by women with muscles. I get just as many side eyes and points and stares as I do compliments. It’s funny, she’s always so supportive when I get something negative from someone else, but if I’m excited about a change in clothing size when we’re out shopping together or if someone compliments me, she becomes the negative one.
Even before I wanted to get back to the point where I could compete, I’ve always worked out. I’ve helped this girl with planning her workouts, I helped her stop starving herself, etc etc and it’s just sad to me that she can’t even remotely do the same for me.
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